Pump and dump, a mother’s comedy

You can’t survive parenthood without a sense of humor. Some days it’s either laugh and get through it or cry and throw yourself out of the window. But then someone still has to feed these little rugrats, and if not you – then who?

And that’s why I thought it was totally awesome when I learned that there are 2 moms that made their own comedy show around the brutal and hilarious truths of parenting.

I’m sure you have all seen this fun article on huffingtonpost.com about the most screwed up things your kid has done.

A lot of them have to do with poop:

Pump and dump, toddler, potty

Toddlers and poop…

Others – with super uncomfortable situations and sex related things, and the other group – is about how cruel these little guys can be:

toddler running away, mall, parent

I’ve already had my share of strangers finding my kid when I lose him =( Also – this is why I mostly shop online now.

I read the article, clicked the link at the bottom and saw that they were actually having a show in just a few weeks in our area!!! Of course I got some tickets and put it on my calendar! =) And it was great!! I mean – some parts made me cry because I could totally relate and it was so sad it was funny, but still kind of sad, you know? They were bitter sweet tears.

My fav joke was by a guest comedian they had – Mr. Nato Green who has 2 6-yo twin girls. Also dealing with poop – and that was since having kids he feels like he has to schedule his whole life – down to the times he gets to use the bathroom. And whenever he has to go poo – he feels like a Columbian drug mule – there is always someone knocking on the door, anxiously waiting for him to finish.

Check out their youtube channel for more laughs and look here to see if they’re coming somewhere near you!

Current state

  • It is nap time.
  • We recently got home.
  • There is so much mess – I don’t even know if I’m going to bother (getting out of home was a challenge and a rush – which is how the mess happened).
  • I currently do not know the location of a marker that came with this one book (awesome book btw, I’ll have to tell you guys about it later!), and I’m also not sure where one of his food packs is. He disappeared with it into the fog of toys and mess, and next time I saw him – he didn’t have it…
  • I’m bunkered up and trying to be quiet (not breathing) so he forgets about asking me to come in and finally goes to sleep on his own.
  • Irony: I have all the fixings for making a sandwich for myself for lunch (bread, lettuce, tomato, mayo, mustard…) but no cheese or meat. I’m not supposed to have “lunch meats” anyway, so I was going with bacon (I LOOOOOVE me a blt!), but that went bad too.
    And I knew about it on our way home, but I decided getting bacon wasn’t worth risking a pre-nap trip to the grocery store.
  • There is dog food all over the kitchen floor because little man has suddenly become concerned with how much our dog eats, basically deciding that we don’t feed the dog enough… Enough said about that.
  • The broom is wedged in between the wall and the fridge and I’m afraid to go in after it because if I get my arm stuck – I won’t be able to open the door when my lunch food delivery comes in! =(

Just #keepinitreal yall. This is for all those mommas pulling out their hairs today and thinking your little one is a terrorist. Don’t get me wrong, he or she definitely is. But know – you’re not alone in this hostage situation! The weekend is around the corner!

We should all come up with some important tasks and run away from the house for an hour and go have coffee BY OURSELVES somewhere, and do a big global google hangout “free mom” party! =)

Oh! He’s gotten quiet. I really hope he didn’t fall asleep on the floor under the door again! Makes me feel like a horrible parent. But so did this morning, when I told him that his incessant screaming makes me wish I could NOT be in the car with him, which is, unfortunately, impossible… =\

Oh, and I feel like those people in the Febreeze commercials because I think I’m getting used to the Fritos smell in our house (translation: our dog is overdue for a bath!).

Shapes of pregnancy

As far as I’m concerned – there are 3 shapes to being pregnant, and your normal shape – doesn’t count.

Shape 1: “Is she pregnant? Is she fat?”

When your belly is kind of starting to grow, you still fit into your clothes, but clearly – they’re getting tighter. Hopefully you’re finished feeling like crap, but now you’re wondering – where the hell is this “pregnancy glow”? Maternity clothes still feel like tents, you still can’t fully believe you’re pregnant because there are no baby kicks yet. It’s this weird stage of limbo – at least in my mind – that’s not what pregnant women are. They’re nice and plump and full of life. Not exhausted and kind of fatish… Right? =)

maternity, pregnancy, clothing, model

Hardly pregnant Pea In The Pod model in a super gorgeous dress!

Shape 2: “Perfect pregnant lady from the catalogs”

Usually happens around your second trimester. You’re full of energy all of a sudden. The sun is shining out of your belly. People are getting all excited because now it’s definitely clear you’re expecting. Doors are being opened, seats are being vacated. This is the best phase – when you’re pregnant you can get away with so much stuff and at this point you can actually enjoy it.

Pregnancy, belly, maternity, Pea In The Pod

Look at this perfect belly! (Another Pea In The Pod model). This is the type of image everyone automatically thinks of when they hear “pregnant”, right? As soon as you see that positive test – this is how you start picturing yourself… unfortunately – you’re only about a third right..

Shape 3: “Ballooning cow” or “when’s this baby coming out”. 

Suddenly – maternity clothes are getting tight as well! Stretch marks might pop out around this time. All the discomforts seem to be multiplying, you’re sleeping not as well, which means – you are more tired, maybe even exhausted. And suddenly those perfect b****s from the maternity clothes catalogs are kind of making you a little more sad. I think this is where you start letting go of your sense of self. Each and every day it becomes less and less about you, and more and more about the baby. And it might be a little annoying now, and you might want to scream – “hello! I’m the pregnant lady here!!! I’m the one toting all this weight around! he/she isn’t even doing anything! Besides giving me heart burn and all kinds of other physical discomforts”. (Sometimes he kicks so hard at night – the bed shakes. No joke!) But pretty soon you will join the rest of the world and you too will be all about the baby and not so much about yourself.

And because I’m not about to label anyone as a “ballooning cow” – I will use my own photo to demonstrate this stage. I love you all, but you can’t tell me I could in any way pass off for the perfect-belly girl from stage 2. Not saying my belly is not perfect ;) but it’s definitely bigger!


 

So, clearly – I have entered into shape 3. Up through shape 2 – I was rocking it. I think its fair to say – I was actively enjoying this pregnancy vs the first one – when I was just kind of cruising by, waiting to see what’s around the next corner.

And then BOOM, shape 3, and I’m left wondering – will I have to be wearing sweatpants for the next two months? No thank you! But at the same time – suddenly who’s got time for looking cute? Some days I get this debilitating pain in my side for about half the day – sweatpants sound just fine. But – don’t worry. I’m not giving up that easily ;)

Friday Fun

If you have already seen this, then shame on you for not sharing!

And if you haven’t – then I’m sorry because you’re about to lose the better part of the next hour at least.

So, there is this video series where they take kids and get their reactions on all kinds of things including games and TV shows from 20 years ago, also they take elders and have them react to things that are current (like dubstep, video games, Google glass, etc) and teens – but I had to go to bed before I could get to those videos. =)

The ones with the kids make me a bit sad because there are so many parts of my childhood that were so cool to me that I can’t wait to share with my kids, but obviously – they’re going to think it’s lame! And I feel like so much wholesomeness will be missing from their lives. The beauty of life is in the simple things… And I guess appreciating those simple things in person or through an image on Instagram is still noticing that beauty, but somehow the latter feels a little less significant.

Anyway. This isn’t supposed to be philosophical. I just wanted to share these funnies with you! =) Some of these people are a total hoot!!!! =) I would invite them to Thanksgiving!

Oh, that boy in the striped polo… You know which one I’m talking about ;) He made my day! =)))

#momthoughts

Living with a toddler is like living with a very very agile Alzheimer’s patient. You know – the type when they don’t know what’s what or what’s it used for.. or why it may be weird for mommy to find shoes under her pillow… And they try to make phone calls from every object in the house… Back to my whole “life is circular” thought.